PDF Download Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart
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PDF Download Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart
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Review
"A worthy and important contribution to understanding and helping couples face one of the worst problems in a marriage."--John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"It has been 4 years since the affair. The hurt lingered for what felt like forever, but our marriage was too precious to just give up on it. Working through understanding how it happened, and how to finally move past it and recover, was the most important thing. We couldn't have made it without the program in this book."--Ann and Patrick O."The devastation in our relationship after the revelation of the affair was unbearable. In different ways, we both felt like our hearts were in shreds. Working through the recovery process in this book was a vital part of restoring our marriage. The affair is a part of our history that we’ll never forget, but we learned how to live with it without letting it consume us. Each of us learned important things about ourselves, what made our relationship vulnerable, and how to communicate better. Words cannot express our gratitude!"--Melanie and Larry R. "After the revelation of the affair, we were both overwhelmed with extreme emotions. The step-by-step approach outlined in this book gave us a structured and caring means to get through the first couple of months and work to understand how we got to this low point in our marriage. We made it through a very tough time and have a stronger relationship now, due to our greater understanding of both ourselves and each other. Without question, the strategies in this book saved our marriage!"--John and Sarah H."If your relationship is affected by an affair, this is a practical and compassionate guide about how to cope and move on. The book is full of wisdom and understanding, built from decades of experience helping those hurt by affairs. The authors are three eminent therapists who share the stories of people who have had their relationships shaken by an affair. The book describes a series of steps to get back in control of your life. The steps to recovery progress from coping with the initial shock of discovery, through making sense of what happened, to deciding what happens next. The authors suggest practical exercises to do at each step of the recovery process."--W. Kim Halford, PhD, Griffith University, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia"A book of exceptional wisdom, compassion, and practical advice from a dynamite team of therapists and researchers. I wish every couple who has experienced the trauma of an affair would read this remarkable book."--William J. Doherty, PhD, author of Take Back Your Marriage"A calm, clear, and optimistic program for couples going through a crisis of infidelity. This is a wise guide and one I will enthusiastically recommend."--Frank Pittman, MD, author of Private Lies"This book is wise, practical, and thorough. It guides you through the initial trauma of dealing with an affair, then goes beyond most resources in taking you step by step through the process of understanding what happened and deciding what to do next. This book is like a daily 'house call' from your own personal relationship expert. It is a 'must read' for anyone trying to recover from the trauma of an affair and make good decisions about the future."--Peggy Vaughan, DearPeggy.com, author of The Monogamy Myth"Far too many self-help guides patronize the reader, bypassing complexity to offer unrealistic freeways of certainty. This excellent book is a notable exception. Written with clarity, the book treats readers as mature adults. With a wealth of clinical experience, these authors clearly know what they are talking about--they understand the complexity of feelings that need to be addressed to get past an affair, and convey that understanding in accessible language. I am sure this book will be of value to both clients and professionals for many years to come."--Barry Mason, DSysPsych, Institute of Family Therapy, London, UK "Informative in helping to further understand some of the issues faced by people who might have been affected by an affair. As a stand-alone program for anyone attempting to make sense of what might be happening to them after an affair has been disclosed, this book would be helpful to both the 'participating partner' and 'injured partner.' It would also be a useful adjunct to working therapeutically with couples and could supplement a therapeutic program. I would recommend this book to anyone working with couple relationships and indeed to any couple I may encounter who are going though or have experienced an affair." (Sexual and Relationship Therapy 2007-01-08)"A comprehensive self-help text for couples or individuals experiencing an affair. Both the injured partner and the participating partner are specifically addressed with thought-provoking inquiries into their experiences....An underlying theme of hope is written into the entire book." (Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy 2007-01-08)"A treasure-trove of clinical wisdom firmly informed by a bedrock of clinical research. The three authors are leading couple researchers that exemplify the scientist-practitioner model of clinical psychology....This is a thorough, thoughtfully laid out book....The book is clearly written as a standalone, self-help book but could easily be used as an adjunct to therapy....A deeply compassionate book, as the authors have clearly worked hard to distill their collective clinical and research wisdom to help couples working through the aftermath of an affair. We will be using it in our own teaching and work with couples and highly recommend it to therapists and couples alike." (The Family Psychologist 2007-01-08)"[The authors] have designed a program to help couples overcome an affair, understand why it happened, and consider their best options. A particularly helpful chapter supplies suggestions for talking to children, family members, and friends....Full of examples for applying the information; recommended." (Library Journal 2007-01-08)
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About the Author
Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, is Professor of Psychology and Director of Clinical Training at Texas A&M University. He received the American Psychological Association’s award for Distinguished Contributions to Family Psychology for his research on marital satisfaction and therapy. He lives in College Station, Texas, where he also has a private practice.Donald H. Baucom, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. His research, funded in part by the National Institutes of Health, focuses on couples and marriage. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and was ranked as one of the top marital therapists and researchers in the United States by Good Housekeeping’s national survey of mental health professionals.Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, is Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Tennessee. Her research focuses on forgiveness, infidelity, and couple therapy. In addition to her academic work, she lives and maintains a private practice in Knoxville, Tennessee.
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Product details
Paperback: 342 pages
Publisher: The Guilford Press; 1st edition (January 6, 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 157230801X
ISBN-13: 978-1572308015
Product Dimensions:
5.8 x 1 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 15.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
86 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#94,495 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Unfortunately I had reason to purchase this book. I had first read After the Affair by Janice Spring. I found this book , Getting Past , was much more practical and down to earth. It had many very helpful concrete suggestions for the different stages and it addresses more than just the hurt and pain that the "betrayed" person feels.There have been some reviews complaining that this book goes too easy on the person who had the affair and that is let's him/her "off too easy". I really do not feel this book does that at all. What it does is asks both partners to look at their parts in what went wrong with the relationship that contributed towards the affair.BELIEVE ME, I see no justification for one person to step outside of a committed relationship and seek emotional or sexual connections with an outside person AND, I also believe that regardless of my contributions that led to unhappiness and misunderstandings in our relationship that I did NOT cause the affair to happen and it is NOT my fault it did. It was my partner who chose to seek an outside person due to his unhappiness rather than share that unhappiness with me.But the value of this book is very important in that it is helping me see more clearly past my pain and to is helping me see more clearly what I do want to happen down the road with us .AND the more important part is that although my partner is a wonderful person in that he is WILLING to read any book I push at him, and he did read most of After the Affair and a few others, this book has been so much more helpful to him and some of that is due to the way the authors speak in a less BLAMING tone towards the person who had the affair.Believe me, they do not let ANYONE off the hook but this book does use language that is less one sided and blaming and does try to get BOTH sides to look more closely at what the long term goal is and how not only to get there but the things to do that would prevent a couple from getting there and creating a new relationship.I am sure I am not as clear as I would like to be in my review but these past 3 months have not been a period of time of mental clarity for me. :-/ I do hope that if one is trying to recover from the pain of an affair or a series of affairs, that one tries out this book.My only regret is I did not purchase this one first !! I think it would have helped me see a few things more clearly and my partner would have felt more invested in reading .Good luck !!!
This was recommended by our counselor. It would've been better if this book were not so broad based. It's intended for therapeutic use, but because it attempts to be all inclusive, it over reaches and isn't as good as it could be. It's like prescribing a appendectomy for everyone who has a stomachache.The person who cheats is motivated differently based on gender and the person who was cheated on reacts differently based on their gender. This book tries to treat all four persons with one volume.
I'm still reading this. It is an excellent book regardless of what side of the affair you are on. Makes you stop and take a good hard look at many things.
Very thorough and well thought out book. Really touches on the reality of all of the intricacies that go into an affair. I would recommend this book to anyone going through this situation, whether you are still trying to work on the relationship together, apart or even if you are an individual trying to heal from it on your own. I believe that you will find this book a useful tool.
ok info..
Luckily, we stayed together. We both read this helpful guide and discussed what we read. I believe both parties, if sincerely interested in healing together and rebuilding their relationship, should read this book.
Very balanced information to help a spouse determine whether to leave or stay. I felt it gave excellent examples how couples worked through their situation. The ultimate decision of whether to leave or stay is determined by the reader.
Well written and helps while going through a bad situation.
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